No One Should be President of the United States of America

Nick Green
12 min readMar 21, 2019

There have been 45 Presidencies in the United States of America since the inception of the office on April 30, 1789, when George Washington was inaugurated following an election in which he was elected unanimously.

Since that day two hundred and thirty years ago, the office has continued to accrue powers beyond those initially set by the Constitution. Powers that, with few exceptions, have never been relinquished.

That’s the nature of power. Once power is acquired, it isn’t readily given up. This results in asymmetries because accumulated power is more powerful and more able to continue accruing power, much as a black hole grows denser with an even stronger gravitational pull with each bit of matter it collects.

If power is spread evenly among all people, each person’s “relative mass” is equal, preventing any one individual from passing the event horizon and growing more and more powerful, absorbing power from all those around them. Unfortunately, that is how the position of Ruler is structured — no matter the synonym the title takes to hide that fact — such as President as compared to King. With two hundred and thirty years of accumulation, the position of President has grown to unstable levels. I would also argue that the amount of power allocated at the start was already too much, leading to the result we see today. An inevitable collapse.

Communication can only occur between equals. Hierarchies are defined by tiers of power in which those higher up in rank possess more power. The existence of hierarchy prevents equality. As long as hierarchy exists, there is no equality and thus no equal communication. Hierarchy must then be flattened.

Simply put, Day One release content or DLC, the Presidency places far too much power in the hands of one person, regardless of who that person is. NONE OF THEM ARE SAFE. NONE OF THEM ARE FREE OF SIN. Ideology is rendered moot so long as that ideology establishes hierarchy and thus a power differential between people. Therefore, in the interests of humanity as a whole, the position of President of the United States should be abolished. Foreverz.

No one should be President of the United States of America.

There should never have been a President of the United States. There shouldn’t be Presidents of any States. There shouldn’t be Presidents or Chancellors or Prime Ministers or Premiers any more than there should be Kings or Queens or Emperors or Sultans. The central conceit of a democracy is that The People© get to choose who rules over them. But why is No One ever an option? Why do we need to be ruled at all? That sounds really stupid to me. The only rulers that should exist are the ones that tell you how long something is. Those rulers have an actual useful function. I can use them to measure and cut pieces of wood to build a cabinet. The other kind of Ruler? Pretty useless for anything except killing. That’s why the Presidency is the head of the Executive Branch; apparently somebody’s gotta spill all that blood. Rulers? More like droolers, amirite?

After all, can any lone individual wage war or commit genocide, or do they need collective power to murder at large? The State, the Company, the Entity; so long as these accumulate power, that power has the potential to destroy. Hoping that having “The Right Person” holding the reins doesn’t remove that possibility. Removing the reins entirely, however, does. People don’t live forever. And in a democracy, that power changes hands by design. Even if the bestest most goodest person in the world were to rule, even they too will someday die. And they could change. They will change. No one is static. Within every person is the capacity to do the greatest good and the worst evil. Why take the chance when you can remove the ability of that to come to fruition entirely?

But srsly, let’s focus on the drooliest Ruler of them all, the Presidency of the United States, the most blood-soaked position on the planet.

George Washington: Elected Unanimously?

Let’s first take a look back at that legendary unanimous election that Washington won. Was it truly unanimous? Well, in the first place, only a tiny fraction of the population voted, somewhere in the neighborhood of 2–6%. This was because to be eligible to vote, people had to meet strict requirements.

Voters had to be male. No girlz allowed.

Voters had to be white. No colors. Bleach only. Final Destination.

Voters had to be landowners. No poors.

Voters had to be Christian, and the right kind of Christian at that, i.e. certain flavors of Protestant. Vanilla only.

In effect, voters had to be wealthy white Aristocrats, not really all that different from the rulers of England that Colonists fought so very hard to break free from. WASPs, basically. With big, barbed stingers that stabby-stab your skinflesh.

But even then, those voters didn’t elect the President any more than voters do today. The Electoral College did. That’s because the common people, even those who fit the requirements, aren’t good enough. Never forget that the United States was created as a Republic, not a Democracy. We were always intended to be Ruled from the outset. Freedom was a lie. Yaaaaaaaaaay.

Instead, only the Chosen would get to pick the President. Ninety-one of them, in fact, distributed based on the relative population of each state.

There were problems, of course. Let me tell you about them!

First, of the thirteen states, two of them — North Carolina and Rhode Island — did not get to participate because they had yet to ratify the Constitution. Booo. Slowpokes. Demerits for you. That’s minus seven and three electoral votes, bringing the total down to eighty-one. Then, New York’s legislature was deadlocked in choosing their electors and thus unable to cast any votes. Booo. Demerits. Minus another eight.

Two electors listed as present in Maryland did not vote. The same for a district in Virginia, where an additional district was unable to declare a winner for their elector. Minus four more.

Of the ninety-one districts in the fledgling nation, only sixty-nine cast their votes. In this case, that number’s not so nice. That’s three quarters of the already minuscule 2–6% turnout.

But wait, we’re not done yet. Four of the states, Connecticut, Georgia, New Jersey, and South Carolina didn’t even hold a popular vote! Their electors were appointed by their legislatures! Democracy? What is that? Is it a pudding? Is it a rare tropical slug? So was New York’s, but they already eliminated themselves via deadlock. So that’s another twenty-five electoral votes that the population had no say over. We’re down to forty-four, less than half the original ninety-one. Gosh, who is even left? Only six states? Out of thirteen? What part of this vote was unanimous again? Maybe there was a mistake in transcribing and that George Washington was actually elected erroneously. Say the two words out loud. Unanimously. Erroneously. Oooh. Spoopy. Super spoopy.

Sixty-nine white men elected George Washington. You can find their names here. Sixty-nine, out of a population estimated to be around three million¹ or so. What’s the math say? 0.0023%. Yep, sure sounds representative to me. Totally. I see no problems. Massively larger than the 0.0000% that voted for King George III of England. Infinitely larger, in fact. Oh wait, I’m sorry. That’s a division by zero error. Oops. How do I math, again?

[¹] extrapolated from the 1790 Census

Out of curiosity, what’s that percentage today? 538 electors out of a population of about 325 million equals 0.00017%. Oooh, those numbers aren’t looking too good. Somehow it’s even worse than when only 2–6% of people were allowed to cast popular votes because they clad their white ding-dongs in the finest fabrics. Curious. Very curious indeed. Wiggle-waggle.

As it happens, we have the number² of popular votes cast in the 1789 election. 43,782. They came from only six states, but that’s better than nothing, right? Sure! After all, 0.0146% is a larger number than 0.0023%. And Washington received 39,624 of them. A 90% take isn’t too shabby, once you eliminate the remaining 2,956,218 people whose voices weren’t heard. Eh, they’re little more than a rounding error. I mean, the people who voted were the error. Pay no attention to the 2,960,376 people who didn’t vote for Washington. Shhhh.

[²] number may not be exact; record-keeping is hard!

We mustn't forget that figure doesn’t include the Native Americans who inhabited the land that the White Men of England and the White Men of the Colonies fought so desperately to take control of, though it does account for about 600,000 slaves. Yaaaaaay.

Was Washington elected unanimously? He got 90% of the 0.0146% who voted, so…yeah? Not much of a mandate to rule, though. More like 0.0146% of a mandate. Less than a mandollop. A mandrop. A mandrip. Maybe he should have only been allowed to be Ruler over those who wanted him to rule over him? Or maybe rule over no one at all? No Rulers? Anybody? Bueller?

No one should be President of the United States of America.

Presidential Powers: The Executor-in-Chief

By the way, what are some of the powers that the Presidency holds?

Initially, the Constitution imbued the following powers upon the Presidency in Article 2, Section 2:

The President shall be Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States, and of the Militia of the several States, when called into the actual Service of the United States; he may require the Opinion, in writing, of the principal Officer in each of the executive Departments, upon any Subject relating to the Duties of their respective Offices, and he shall have Power to grant Reprieves and Pardons for Offenses against the United States, except in Cases of Impeachment.

Military stuff. It’s pretty telling that these are the very first powers spelled out. Is it any wonder why military action is often the first action taken when addressed like this? How else are Rulers supposed to enforce their Rule? Violence gets used because it works, since an opponent can no longer resist once they become a corpse. And since the State has a monopoly on violence, only they are allowed to use it. Any counter-violence is deemed illegitimate and punished. Usually with murder. Convenient, eh? For the murderer, that is. Not so much for the murdered. ’cause they dead.

He shall have Power, by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, to make Treaties, provided two thirds of the Senators present concur; and he shall nominate, and by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, shall appoint Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Consuls, Judges of the supreme Court, and all other Officers of the United States, whose Appointments are not herein otherwise provided for, and which shall be established by Law: but the Congress may by Law vest the Appointment of such inferior Officers, as they think proper, in the President alone, in the Courts of Law, or in the Heads of Departments. The President shall have Power to fill up all Vacancies that may happen during the Recess of the Senate, by granting Commissions which shall expire at the End of their next Session.

The Ruler-in-Chief gets to choose the Demi-Rulers of the Executive Branch, to create an entire hierarchy of Rulers with the President on the top of the Ruler-pile. None of them elected by the people, of course, though with the lip service of having to be approved by Congress-flavored Rulers. Since the President can’t single-handily oppress the people all on their own, they need lackeys to carry out their will. Even Monarchs needed those. Each human possesses a mere two hands, no matter who they are, so Rulers need the hordes to help them do the stabby-stab since they personally can only slaughter at a pathetically slow rate.

The Presidency also has some responsibilities listed in Article 2, Section 3:

He shall from time to time give to the Congress Information of the State of the Union, and recommend to their Consideration such Measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient; he may, on extraordinary Occasions, convene both Houses, or either of them, and in Case of Disagreement between them, with Respect to the Time of Adjournment, he may adjourn them to such Time as he shall think proper; he shall receive Ambassadors and other public Ministers; he shall take Care that the Laws be faithfully executed, and shall Commission all the Officers of the United States.

Giving information to the Rulers in Congress, meeting with Rulers and Demi-Rulers domestic and foreign, and so on. Typical maintaining rule stuff. How else would Rulers maintain their rule? Of course, they pretend to fight among each other, and sometimes those fights are even real, but notice that when they fight, who ends up with their bones in a box? Spoiler: it ain’t the Rulers. While they play their game of thrones, as it were, ordinary people are the ones who have their lives snuffed out. Just ask the 500,000 Iraqi children that Madeline Albright claimed were worth the cost. Try, but they won’t answer. They’re dead. Their larynges have turned to dust beneath the desert soil.

There are lots of other powers that the Presidency has accrued over the years. Things like Executive Orders, and other Inherent Powers that are allegedly necessary for running the government. But even the limited ones imbued at the outset describe a person who has close to absolute authority. The so-called Separation of Powers that the Constitution describes only means that power is shared among the Rulers. The three branches share power among themselves. It’s supposed to prevent tyranny, but when the three branches work together to terrorize tyrannically, well, 仕方がない 。

Though there is the curious case of the 10th Amendment:

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

Interesting. There is something giving power to the people. As an afterthought. Usually the states take all that. The people don’t get much of a bite. The Rulers take the power, the people get powered through, like an M1 Abrams through butter. But this might be interpreted to mean that any regular person possesses every power not explicitly defined in the Constitution as belonging to someone else. Good luck finding someone to back you up on that, though. Constitutional lawyers are in the pocket of power. Which pocket? Just use your imagination.

No one should be President of the United States of America.

Is Human Blood Worth More or Less Than a Bucket of Warm Piss? Check the Supply/Demand Curves. Or the Bank Accounts of the Powerful.

Let’s take a look at the outcome of the first stated power the Presidency possesses. The Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces. A Killer among Killers, a Murderer among Murderers, a Butcher among Butchers. The one person on the planet that has the most blood on their hands. But out of interest, how much blood is that, exactly? Or even roughly? And who is the bloodiest? How many people have been sent to meet their Maker prematurely because of the piss-soaked decisions made by those inhabiting the halls of power? Let’s find out!

How do we calculate this? There’s the President’s Body Counts book, which throws some numbers around, mainly looking at the deaths ordered, or resulting from negligence or incompetence. Since the President is the Commander-in-Chief, it could also be argued that all deaths that occur from military actions are their responsibility, some of which are compiled in this Congressional Research Service report.

The human body averages somewhere between a gallon and a gallon-and-a-half of blood, depending on the size of the person. That makes the math pretty easy. Limiting ourselves to the conservative estimate of the twelve worst offenders nets us about 21 million corpses, with the real number probably being much higher. There’s also the thirty-three that aren’t in the bottom twelve. But those 21 million bodies alone contained between 21 and 31 million gallons of blood. Enough to fill 600,000 bathtubs up to the rim. Be careful not to spill. That stain’ll never come out.

No one should be President of the United States of America.

And the Rest of the Rulers?

Since I’m already futzing, I think the same could be said of any other position of power. Maybe the problems we’ve got aren’t due the qualities of person ruling, maybe it’s the act of ruling itself that effs everything up? Why are there even rulers in the first place? Get rid of them all? There’s a thought.

Here’s an idea; let’s add a box to every ballot, to every position. It would say that checking there would count as a vote against the position being filled at all. It would be a vote to actively leave the position empty, to eliminate it entirely. Sound crazy? Is it, really? Take a look around. Hold your breath. Make a wish. Count to three.

♫ Come with me, and you’ll be, in a world of pure imagination! ♫

Here’s another idea. About half or so of eligible voters in the United States don’t even bother voting. So they don’t have votes. Their voices are zeroed, rather than counted. But why is not voting counted as a zero instead of a negative one? How about every nonvote counts as a NO! instead of a blank? If we had done that, we’d already be Presidentless. In fact, most if not all positions would now be gone. That sounds pretty good to me. Why do we need to be ruled?

♫ Want to change the world? There’s nothing to it! ♫

In a representative form of government, democracy or republic, we elect our rulers. Well, I elect to not be ruled at all, thank you very much. Anyone who wants to rule me, I kindly invite to sit and spin. Well, not kindly. Rather, GTFO forever, plz and thx. Go sit in that bucket of piss and think about what you’ve done. Naughty, naughty.

No one should be President of the United States of America.

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Nick Green
Nick Green

Written by Nick Green

Founder of the doujin circle Sasuga Studios // sasugastudios.com //

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